Just give me something to believe in.
E m p t y.
This word is so darn familiar to me. I feel empty almost everyday. Until I receive your text. Makes it all better. But lately, it's never been the same. I'm so afraid to text you in the afternoon already. It's really easy to think that you might find me annoying. And I know what others have been saying. And I choose to believe them. But I don't want to. I want to treat you like normal. Just my crush. And I don't know about your feelings. I swear. I'd choose to believe myself now..
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Friends. Are they the real friends that can last after university? When I'm married and have children or when I have white hair? When I'm old and senile? I beg to differ. So little things have happened in the past 2 months. Have we gone out? Have you replied to my tweets? No. And you're here indirectly tweeting about me? Yes I saw that and you don't care. Anyway there's no use caring about my feelings right? There's no need to actually. No one will care about me anyway. I wonder how many people are missing me right now. How many people mention me in their conversations. And what are they saying about me? I'm soluxzled. Maybe I just need someone to care more about me. Genuinely. I hate to feel this empty. I want my friends to be the ones who I can count on. We can gossip, and tell rad each other our secrets, dreams. Or whatever. Apparently we just gossip. And that's... So bitchy. I don't to only gossip. I want something else too.. Inside jokes. Knowing each other inside out. Secrets only we know. And I've been fighting with myself. Who exactly is my best friend? Who exactly wants to be mine? Ha again I bet it's no one. Don't worry.
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Sigh I should stop feeling such shitty feelings but I can't help it. Maybe 2012 will be a better year? I hope. I really hope. And maybe O's will make me so stressed and busy that I won't ever feel sad. But no, studies = stress = depressing thoughts. SIGH LET'S SEE HOW THINGS GO.
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I HAD to blog. No one anywhere to go to....
Xoxo.
